Renkinjutsushi Koko Hosuto Kurabu
by Jirachi At Sundown
Summary: (HIATUS) A rouge Alchemist has managed to escape the clutches of the Amestrian military, and has been discovered in Japan. Now, it's Edward's job to collect information and find him, before he hurts anyone else. And Tamaki is in on it! Or rather, the entire Host Club... this was going to be fun. (Cover drawn by me)
1. Prologue

**A/N: Oh lookie here, I posted stuff. Anyhoo, I'm gonna say it here in the prologue, I'm a lazy little piece of crap, so updates will be slow as hell. I obviously don't own Ouran or Fullmetal, and this is just a fan crossover. Also take note, this is a slight AU where Al has his body since this whole thing would be off if a giant suit of armor was attending classes. I'm also gonna use a bit of Japanese, but it'll be kept to a minimum, since I suck at it. Still learning though! Rated T 'cos language, and maybe a bit of violence in the future. Possible slight gore too, but I suck at descriptions, so it won't be too bad. My writing will be though. Enjoy this crap if you want to.**

"The Iceberg Alchemist?" I raised an eyebrow at that. James Thorne, age 36, former State Alchemist; also referred to as the Iceberg Alchemist. Joined the military three years ago, but then suddenly went on a rampage four months back, and murdered 22 soldiers, 3 of which were State Alchemists as well. Was sentenced to death, but managed to escape and has been missing ever since.

"That's right, we recently discovered his location overseas, in a place called Japan." I looked back up from the papers, meeting the Colonel's coal black eyes.

"And so you want me to go chase him out…?" Mustang nodded. "But if he killed three State Alchemists in the same day, why am I going alone?"

Mustang sighed. "In case you haven't noticed, despite the fact you're just a Major, you are still more talented than most of the other Alchemists here."

"Even you?" I asked, smirking.

"Hell no." He scowled. "But that's not the only reason we're sending you." Eh? He nodded towards the papers in my hands, and I reread them, still confused. "You're 15, so that makes the job much easier."

I scowled, glaring at the Colonel. "What the hell does my age have to do with this?"

Mustang sighed, rubbing his forehead. "Geez Fullmetal, read between the lines! Iceberg has been attacking high schools lately, and the police can't get him, so they requested an Alchemist to go. Obviously, since the attacks were focused mainly on rich kid schools, we're sending you, since you'd pass for a student anyway."

"I don't follow." In truth, I had an idea in my head, but the mere suggestion of it was so ridiculous I can't even-

"You will be attending Japan's most prestigious schools! OURAN ACADEMY!"

I let out a loud groan. Gosh I hated school, but now I have to go to a frickin' rich kid school for a MISSION?!

"That school is easy to get information from, since they spread rumors quite easily. Try to get information from them, report back to Central, and we'll try pinpointing his location. After we have confirmed the information, you're free to go, and we'll send in several Alchemists to apprehend him." Mustang finished.

I growled. "This is going to take forever if we're depending on a bunch of teenager's gossiping for info! Besides… Alphonse is still in rehab after getting his body back last month. I'm not leaving him."

"Alphonse is going with you." _Wait what_. Mustang straightened himself in his chair, smirking. "He said if he got out of the hospital he'd get used to his body faster. So he will be going with you to Japan."

I abruptly stood up, slamming the papers onto the Colonel's desk. "Oh hell no! I'm not exposing him to any possible danger so early! I won't-"

"Fullmetal, listen." The much more serious tone in his voice caught me off guard. I knew from experience that whenever he talked like that, he's dead serious. "You don't have to go for two more weeks. Alphonse is going through his rehab rather quickly, so he should be fine by then. Don't underestimate your own brother."

I felt like arguing, but I paused, considering Mustang's words. He's right, Al is strong. The 14 year old was just skin and bones when he got his body back, and now he's looks healthy, and can walk around pretty well if he had something to support him. Just a little longer and he'll be good as new. "R-right…" I muttered, taking the papers again.

"Remember, your escort is coming two weeks from now, at 10 AM, Sunday. Alright?"

Escort…? I frowned, but nodded anyways. "Right."

…o0o…

"So you're really doing it?" I looked up from the English – Japanese Translation book, to see Al giving me a weird look. He seemed well, annoyingly taller than me, yes, (BUT ONLY BY AN INCH OR TWO) and had his much longer hair tied back into a ponytail.

I frowned curiously at the question. "Well, yeah." I paused, eyeing his hair. "You still haven't cut it?" It was a little odd to me, since I was used to him having short hair, like when we were kids, but he didn't bother cutting it when he got his body back…

Alphonse sighed. "Well you haven't cut yours after four years."

"Ah, you got a point there." I sighed, scanning through the book again. "I wonder what kind of 'escort' we'll have." Al leaned back in his chair, looking out the window curiously.

"It's from another country, with much more advanced technology, so I can only imagine." He paused for a moment, glancing up at the clear blue sky. "It'd be cool if we could fly there…"

I laughed slightly at the thought of us flying; flapping our arms like wings and looking utterly ridiculous. "They may have advanced technology, but I doubt that."

…o0o…

"WHAT THE _HELL_?!" I almost fell off my bed when I saw the giant thing outside the window. It looked like some giant, white bird with these weird rocket things on it. Alphonse grinned, grabbing his suitcase, and excitedly ran out of the dorm, calling behind him, "That's gotta be the escort!"

When we got outside, there was a man waiting, and a teenager next to him, who seemed about a year older than me. The kid spotted us, and had a slightly surprised look on his face, but quickly shook it off, and waved at us. "Ohayogozaimasu!" When we got closer, I took note of the mop of blond hair on his head, and the bright violet eyes. He was rather tall, and had this idiotic grin on his face. This is going to be a long day…

"Konnichiwa Suoh-San, watashi no namai wa, Alphonse Elric desu, kore wa watashi no kyodai Edward desu." Al responded immediately, registering the new language a bit quicker than his brother.

"Elric-san ni au no wa koeidesu, watashi no namai wa, Suoh Tamaki desu." He responded, smiling brightly at us. I frowned, eyeing the man next to Tamaki.

Scowling, I started eyeing the man next to Tamaki warily, "Un, notte kurette arigato…" I muttered carefully, feeling the foreign language roll off my tongue, noting the slightly surprised look on the man's face. ( **Note: Will be switching the language to English now so y'all can understand it.** )

"You're welcome," Suoh replied, "I'm shocked at how you two learned Japanese so quickly."

"We're fast learners." I said, scratching my head a little. "So, um… What is _that_?" I looked up at the thing they were standing in front of, trying to figure out how it worked. Dang, Winry would love to take the thing apart.

He laughed a little, which surprised me a little. Was he making fun of me? He noticed my frustrated expression, and stopped. "I apologize, I was just surprised that you didn't know. Well, it's called an airplane, you can fly in it." HUH?!

This caught Al's attention, "Fly?" His hazel eyes sparkled with excitement. "See Edward? I told you!"

Tamaki smiled at this reaction. "You wanna go now?" Al quickly nodded, and dragged me onto the 'airplane' after the Suohs. This is going to be one long trip…

… **o0o…**

 **A/N: Wow, over 1K words in just two hours? Well I've set a personal record, haha… Oh well, considering my Japanese is crap, I went to my savior Google Translate.**

 **Anyways, please Read and Review, and I'll try writing the first chapter now.**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hm, seems I need more words to be noticed. CHALLENGE ACCEPTED! Take note that the chapters will almost all be in First Person POV, since I need practice. The Prologue obviously came from Ed's perspective, and so will this one. The perspective may change per chapter, you can see which perspective it'll be from after the author's note.**

 **Plus I have a very inconsistent update schedule (Actually it doesn't exist) so sorry if these update come in real slowly. Also, you might notice my attempt at writing some kinda messed up version of the failed human transmutation and how I miserably failed. *** _ **Hides in Emo Corner**_ *****

…o0-EDWARD ELRIC-0o…

This guy's house was MUCH bigger than I thought. I knew he was a rich kid considering he had his own 'plane', but seriously? The thing was three or four floors high, for Pete's sake!

Tamaki strode into the house casually, leading Al and I inside. It was even bigger indoors than out!

"Welcome to our humble home!" Tamaki proclaimed. "You two will be staying here for a while until you decide you would like another place to stay."

I glanced around, taking in the huge environment that was supposed to be a home. "It's… big." I muttered. Big, was an understatement, to say the least. I shook my head, sighing in defeat. "Gah, m'tired…"

Tamaki leaned down to eye level with me (annoyingly, I wish I could just smack that overly-cheery, grin off his pretty boy face-) "Ah, the jet-lag must be getting to you, I'll lead you to your room." Tamaki gave me that annoying smile, and when we got to our room, I collapsed on the bed, and fell asleep.

…o0o…

I ran up the hill, chest fluttering with satisfaction, and I clutched the little metal figure in my hands as I spotted my mother in her garden, holding a basket of vegetables and fruits. Hearing my sma- ahem, _normal_ , footsteps approaching, she glanced up from a ripe tomato, and looked over at me with her soft, beautiful gray eyes, chestnut hair tied neatly over her shoulder. She offered me a warm smile as I came to a stop, a childish grin planted on my face as I offered her the little toy I made.

She blinked in surprise, looking over the toy, before giving me a pat on the head. My heart raced and filled with approval. "Did you make this?" I nodded happily, and she smiled at me. "Now that's my little man!" She put down her basket, pulling me into a hug. It was warm… and, nice. I loved it. "But…"

But? I blinked in confusion, but didn't push away from her, tensing up as I felt something drip onto my back… unbearably hot. The scent of iron replacing the comforting herbs, and my eyes widened. " _You couldn't fix me._ "

What I thought to have been my mother's gentle hands suddenly dug into my back, and I let out a startled yelp, as blood spilled from her mouth. I pulled away, staring horrified at her- no, _it_. "M-mom?!" No. that wasn't her. It was a monster.

Its skin was charred, coal black hair was a mess on its unnaturally twisted head. Bones jutted out of its ripped open chest, organs moving, heart pounding, all in full view. Its jaw unhinged, and let out a raspy gasp, empty black eyes stared at me. "Ed… ward… couldn't fix… mama…"

It's let out a strangled gasp, reaching a mangled, twisted arm out in an attempt to live, before a loud SNAP, and it fell to the bloodied ground, dead.

Something tightened in my chest, and I stumbled back from the monstrosity… and _screamed_.

…o0o…

"Elric, _wake up_!" My eyes shot open, only to be met with violet ones staring straight down on me. _Where did th- ACK!_ I rubbed my sore head tiredly, and glared at Tamaki. "Why the hell are you in here?!"

Tamaki was now sprawled out on the floor, holding his head in agony after I accidently head butted him, trying to sit up. "Owwww…. Elric! That hurt!"

I shook my head in an attempt to clear the ache, but only succeeded in making it worse. With a frustrated sigh, I sent the teenager an annoyed glare. "Ah suck it up princess, got a good reason as to why you're in my room at this ungodly hour?"

"P-princess?!" He spluttered, wide eyed, still holding his – rather red now… - head. "And it's six in the morning; get up if you don't want to be late!"

I let out a low growl, throwing off the covers and slinging my legs over the edge. "Fine, fine…" I stood up, stretching as satisfying pops rang out from my stiff spine. There was a long pause, as I noticed Suoh giving me a weird look…. _Staring_ …

I followed his gaze to my automail limbs, on full display what with my only attire was a black tank top and boxers. The metal was securely drilled into my skin and bones, cold metal met flesh, where several pink-red scars marred the skin. Damn that had hurt… I scowled, quickly grabbing the gaping teenager by the scruff of his neck, and tossed him out of my room. "GET OUT."

…o0o…

I was rather annoyed to find Alphonse downstairs with Suoh, happily eating away and snickering at my, now rather red, face.

"Suoh, how many times do I have to tell your minions I _don't want them dressing me_?" I growled at Suoh, plopping down in a seat next to Al.

Suoh waved it aside, an overly cheery smile on his face. "Oh don't mind them, they do it out of habit."

I raised an eyebrow, grabbing a piece of toast. "What's got you so happy…?" _Do I even want to know?_

Suoh grinned, eyes sparkling with a childish excitement. "Call me Tamaki! And today's the day I'm starting a new club!"

Al perked up at this, finally looking away from his _very full_ plate. "Then call us Ed and Al, what kind of club is it?"

And that's how we ended up listening to a half hour explanation about this guy's Host Club, which lasted the rest of breakfast and the entire car ride to the school.

Damn it Alphonse.

…o0o…

"… Do I have to?"

"Yup."

"But WHY?"

"Because it'll help you with your social issues Ed~!"

"I'm not socially awkward!"

"When it comes to kids our age, you kinda are, brother."

I let out a defeated sigh, plopping down onto a couch in the music room. It was fairly big, with tables and chairs dotting the area, making it seem nice and comfy inside, like home… _no, don't think about that!_ Shaking my head, I examined the other occupants of the room. Tamaki sat straight across from me, with that annoying, womanizer smile the Colonel Bastard had whenever he tried to make a move on a girl. Al sat next to me, seemingly dead tired from the long, boring day of classes, and was  
allowed a bit of time to rest. There was this small, blond kid, surprisingly shorter than me despite being seventeen (VICTORY! TAKE THAT MUSTANG YOU PYROMANIAC BASTARD WITH A GOD COMPLEX!), and was clutching a little pink stuffed rabbit. The guy right behind him was a FRICKIN' GIANT, at age seventeen as well; with short black hair, calm gray eyes, and stood well over six feet. There were a pair of twins there too, same age as me, with matching fiery red hair, and mischievous hazel eyes. There  
was another guy next to Tamaki, with jet black hair, glasses, and was just a little taller than Tamaki, and the two were both sixteen.

The tall guy was Takeshi Morinozuka, often referred to as Mori, and the shorty (heheh) was Mitskuni Huninozuka, often called Honey. The twins were Hikaru and Kaoru Hitachiin, and after a bit of confusion, I managed to tell them apart easily. Four-eyes was Kyoya Ootori, co-founder of the Host Club, and the Manager.

And for some reason, Tamaki thought Al and I should join this ridiculous cast for some stupid reason. Although, maybe this wasn't too bad of an idea, I could get some info out of the girls here-

"Will you join us Eddy-chan?" Mitskuni chirped curiously.

My eye twitched, annoyed at the nickname. "… don't call me that, and I'll consider it."

"GREAT! Welcome to the club Ed!" Tamaki exclaimed loudly, jumping up from his seat. Al jumped at the sudden outburst, and obviously started, accidentally fell off the couch with a loud yelp.

Al got up, groaning and rubbing his sore head. He quickly glanced from Tamaki, then gave me a surprised look. "You actually joined…?"

"Against my will." I muttered.

"Perfect! Both Elrics are now official members of the Ouran Host Club!"

Damn it Tamaki.

…o0o…

I was completely lost. No, not physically lost somewhere, I just didn't know _HOW THE HELL I'M SUPPOSED TO ENTERTAIN A GIRL_. Normally, I'd just go take Winry out to Rush Valley and let her get a bunch of tools and whatever she wanted and drain my wallet, but I couldn't do that here, since these girls were complete _idiots_.

The petite girl in front of me, Kyoko Sasagawa, shifted slightly, giving me a curious look as I just sat there, panicking and having no idea what to do. Meanwhile, Al was on the other side of the room, deep in a conversation with a few girls, who seemed really interested in his little stories.

I eyed the girls carefully. _They better not do anything funny to Al-_

"Um, are you alright?" I blinked, glancing at Kyoko awkwardly.

"O-oh, sorry, I'm not used to this kind of stuff." I paused, thinking a bit. What do idiot girls like…? A quick glance around the room, and I saw Mori standing silently as he watched girls swoon over Honey's childish nature, calling it "cute". The twins were… what the hell? Hikaru seemed to be purring something to Kaoru, stroking his chin and running a hand through his brother's hair- okay, no. Kyoya seemed to be writing in a notebook, working on something, and a bunch of girls asked him questions, and simply watched him work. Tamaki… he seemed to be charming the girls, in a way, complimenting them, speaking in poetic verses…

Yeah no, I'm not doing that... Wait…

I let a smirk creep up onto my face, as I gazed at the now _very confused_ girl. "You know... I suppose I'm not one to talk a lot about myself, but," I gave her a grin, making sure to give her a mischievous look, the one Al claimed meant 'You're thinking something stupid again, don't go blowing anything up!' "You mind telling me about yourself? You seem like quite the interesting character~!"

…o0-One Week Later-0o…

I held back a groan, rubbing my aching head tiredly as I took my position next to Tamaki, Al on the other side, with Kyoya behind him, the twins positioned on the right, and Mitskuni and Takeshi on the left.

Tamaki send me a worried glance. "You alright? I wouldn't want one of our little kittens sick on only our second week of hosting."

I huffed, smacking him over the head. "I'm fine, idiot, and don't call me that, I'm not small!" Because I'm not; my height is perfectly normal for my age. Hell, I'm taller than Mitskuni, who's two years older than me! So I am NOT short!

Al sighed, giving me an exhausted look. I could practically hear his voice ringing in my head. ' _Just go with it Ed_.'

I scowled, shaking my head in exasperation. Taking out my pocket watch, I gave it a quick glance. _Don't Forget Oct 3 11_. I stared at the reminder, a frown settling on my face. 1911. Apparently here in Japan, they used a slightly different calendar, and it was 2017 here. _2:27_. Three minutes until the idio- ahem, _girls_ , started coming in.

The door started opening, startling us a little. Although I shouldn't be surprised, sometimes they came a little early. A boy poked his head in, big glasses perched on his nose. He wore a worn, brown sweater over a white buttoned up shirt, along with baggy dark brown pants, and sneakers. His brown hair was tangled and messy, and I could see big, brown eyes staring at us curiously as random rose petals flew about. Where the hell did those come from anyways?!

"Welcome~!" Everyone greeted, but I stayed silent, staring at the disheveled bo- wait. I blinked, narrowing my eyes. No, this was a girl. It wasn't obvious, but years of being paranoid does give you benefits, I guess. One glance at Al, and I could tell he figured it out too. I quirked an eyebrow and him, and he merely grinned. _Let's not tell the others and see how long it takes them to figure it out._

The poor girl scrambled back, accidently shutting the door behind her, as she yelped in surprise at the… admittedly, strange sight of eight boys positioned in ways for a dramatic effect. Unfortunately I was one of them. "Th-this is a 'Host Club'?!"

I looked her over one more time. Isn't she in Al and I's homeroom class…?

"Oh wait, it's just a boy." Hikaru stated bluntly. I internally laughed. It'll be interesting waiting for them to figure this out.

"Wow, so it seems we have a commoner here." Kyoya said, and his eyebrows rose slightly. He glanced over to the twins, Al, and me. "Isn't he in your class?"

I shrugged, and Al nodded. "Well yeah, but he's shy. He doesn't act very sociably so we don't really know much about him." The twins said in unison. It's so creepy how they do that…

Kyoya blinked, looking slightly confused, before allowing a smirk to slip onto his face. _Bingo_. "Well that wasn't very nice." He looked over at the girl, smiling. "Welcome to the Ouran Host Club… Mister Honor Student."

The girl, Haruhi, I reminded myself, squirmed a bit under the staring, and Al gave her a sympathetic look. ' _Sorry Miss Fujioka_.'

Tamaki doesn't notice, and quickly sits up in his chair, violet eyes wide. "Wait, honor student? So that means you're that commoner Haruhi Fujioka! The exceptional Honor Student we're heard about!" _No shit, Sherlock_.

Haruhi's vain attempts at opening the door stopped, and she glanced over her shoulder at us. "You've heard about me…?"

Kyoya gave her his famous poker face. "Why you're infamous, it's not every day a commoner gains entrance into our Academy. You must have an audacious nerve to get here as an honor student, Mister Fujioka."

"Well… thank you, I guess." Haruhi's eye twitched in slight annoyance at being called a 'commoner', and I didn't blame her. These damn rich people always did make a big deal over small thing like this.

But Tamaki didn't notice Haruhi's fading patience, and smiled brightly at her, quickly getting up and walking towards her, but I reached out and grabbed the collar of his jacket, effectively pulling him back from embarrassing the poor kid. But of course, he just HAD to grab my arm, pull me forward, and loudly say, "Eddy here is an honor student as well!"

"I am?"

Al shifted from foot to foot nervously, shrinking back and giving me an apologetic look, mouthing 'Sorry' before disappearing behind everyone else. _Alphonse Elric you traitor_!

Tamaki gave me a pat on the head, before dragging me along with him towards Haruhi, and I mouthed. 'I tried' towards the poor girl. She started scooting away, as Tamaki dramatically draped an arm over her shoulder and mine. "You two poor commoners-" _I am going to_ kill _you Suoh._ "-must  
be quite brave to have come into the famous Ouran Academy-"

"Suoh, I _swear_ , I am going to _rip your legs off_ and _stick em' onto your head_ if you don't _shut up_." I growled, trying to remove his hands from around my shoulders, but he instead tightened his grip.

Tamaki laughed, practically strangling me now. "Of course Eddy-"

"I can and _will_ kick your ass if you damn rich people keep calling me that."

"-but little Haruhi here, along with you and Alphonse have shown that even _poor people_ can get into our unique, private academy- Oof!"

I sharply elbowed him in the gut with my automail, and slipped away back with the other Hosts, who were watching the display in a rather amused way. I found Al peeking out from behind Kyoya, and he gulped at the sight of me. "Um… sorry I didn't help you Brother?"

"How could you leave me like that Al?" I hissed, pissed that my own brother abandoned me with that weirdo. Al held up his hands in surrender not looking the least bit guilty.

"In the Host Club, it's every man for himself."

"But I'm your _brother_!"

"We welcome you poor man to our world of BEAUTY!" Al and I glanced over at Tamaki, who was wandering off into his little fantasy world while Haruhi started scooting away towards the door.

"I'm out of here…" Yes. Save yourself before you're in too deep. Run girl, RUN.

Mitskuni quickly grabbed her arm, dragging the girl back. "Heeey! Haru-chan, you must be like a superhero or something! That's so cool!" Oh shit, she's in too deep in if Mitskuni is giving nicknames already.

Haruhi sighed, getting frustrated with the situation. "I'm not a hero, I'm an honor student…" She took note of what he had just called her, "AND WHO ARE YOU CALLING HARU-CHAN?!"

Startled, Honey jumped back with a wail, and quickly ran back, nearly knocking Al over before hiding behind Mori. Tamaki blinked, placing a finger on his chin curiously. "I never thought the new scholar… would be so openly gay." What the _fuck_?

Haruhi seemed just as confused, "Openly… _what_?"

Tamaki chuckled, as bright sparkled danced around him. "So tell me what kind of guy's you're into." Oh shi-

"The strong, silent type?" He asked, gesturing over towards Mori. "The boy-lolita?" Honey glanced up at the mention of his title, tears on the brim of his large, brown eyes. "How about the mischievous type?" The twins snapped into position, winking at the poor not-a-boy-but-a-girl. "How about the cool type?" Kyoya merely gave her a nod, smirking. "The polite, sympathetic type?" Al glanced around, before realizing that was supposed to be him, and waved at her, quietly mouthing 'Sorry but now you're stuck with us.' "Or the Little Devil?" The… what? 'Little Devil'? Well _screw you too_ Suoh, _I ain't short_! Well I don't go looking for trouble- ah… well, I never really avoided it. Oh well. I gave her a grin.

Haruhi squirmed uncomfortably, before Tamaki bent down, gently stroking her chin. "Or maybe you're into guys like me, the Princely Type…?"

"GAK!" She quickly pulled back in surprise, stumbling back. She accidently bumped into a pedestal, holding an expensive looking vase. It shook, and started falling, and Haruhi gasped, making a quick attempt at grabbing it… but the vase shattered against the floor, and I managed to cover up a small flinch at the crash. Al quickly ran over to her, and I followed, quickly pushing her away from the sharp pieces.

"Don't get too close, you might get hurt!" Al quickly checked over the girl for injuries. "Are you alright?"

Haruhi blinked, slowly nodding. "Thanks, I'm fine."

I eyed the vase. "Don't worry, I don't think it was too expensive…"

"Oh, now you've done it commoner!" Hikaru exclaimed, glancing at the broken pieces.

"We were gonna auction that vase off starting at eight million yen!" Kaoru added rather cheerfully.

Damn it Kaoru.

Haruhi froze, eyes wide with panic. "Wh-what?! Eight _million_ yen?!" She groaned, clear denial in her voice as she desperately tried counting that on her fingers, but to no avail. "H-how many thousand yen is that… How many thousands are in a million…?"

Ah, poor kid. I scooted over to Tamaki, tugging on his sleeve a little. "Hey, can't Al or I just fix that thing with our alchemy…?" I whispered. Tamaki blinked in slight surprise.

"I don't doubt you could, but it would arouse a lot of suspicion if you did, besides…" He gave Haruhi a curious smile, "I'd like to see how this plays out."

Al was supplying her with the calculations she needed, but that wasn't helping her mood in any positive way, much to his obliviousness. She straightened herself, glancing from Al to the twins nervously. "I-I'm going to have to pay you back…"

The twins glanced at each other, eyebrows raised. "With what money? You cant even afford a school uniform."

"What's with that grubby outfit anyways?" This earned them both a slap to the back of their heads by Alphonse, who gave them both disapproving looks.

Kyoya knelt down, picking up one of the pieces with a smirk. "Well, what do you think we should do Tamaki?"

Haruhi paled, visibly shaking as she stared worriedly at Tamaki, who sat down, crossing his legs. "There's a famous saying you may have heard Fujioka, 'When in Rome, do as the Romans do.'" He looked up, violet eyes gleaming. "Since you have no money you shall pay with your body." He pointed at her, with a confident smile on his face. "That means starting today, you will be the Host Club's dog."

I quirked an eyebrow at the phrasing. _Dog, huh_? Haruhi stood there, staring off, as Tamaki waved a hand in front of her face, confused.

And then she toppled over in shock.

…o0o…

"-can't keep a cat! I try telling him over and over, but he somehow always kept finding the things." I growled, remembering the numerous times Al managed to find a stray, and try hiding it in his armor. Of course now, he had a body and couldn't do that… But those damn puppy eyes were more effective now than ever.

One of the girls giggled, - Hiyori Iki, was it? – glancing over at Al. "You seem to care about him a lot."

I huffed at that. 'Care' seemed a bit of an understatement. "Of course, he's my baby brother, I gotta look after him, you know."

Kyoko nodded. "I understand, although I have an older brother, sometimes I feel im the older sibling considering he's so… Extreme."

I laughed at that. "Sometimes I question if Al feels the same way about me."

Over the rather loud chattering of the other Hosts and guests, I heard a door open, accompanied by footsteps. I glanced over at the entrance, where a very disheveled Haruhi was walking in with bags filled with snacks. I raised an eyebrow at the heavy bags. I noticed Al get up to walk over to her. He seemed to be offering to help her with those.

"He seems to be very kind." Hiyori noted, staring at Al.

I smiled. "Kind doesn't even cut it, he's gotta be one of the nicest people I know, along with my mom, and a few friends of mine." I paused, remembering the friendly faces appearing in my head. "One of them is… a close friend, always over the top, biggest family man I've ever met. Another is a rather… _strict_ woman, but she's like a second mom to me."

Kyoko smiled at me, brown eyes sparkling. "I see, they must be very important to you."

"Hey… Wait a minute, what _is_ this?" We all looked back to Tamaki, who was staring at some Instant coffee rather stupidly.

I sighed, getting up. "Let's see what this is about…"

…o0o…

"Um, Mister Tamaki, it's just coffee." Al supplied, a baffled look painted onto his face.

Tamaki examined the container curiously, as I took a place next to Al. "What, never seen coffee before?" Al quickly elbowed me, sending me _that look_.

Tamaki shook his head. "No no, it's just I've never seen this kind before… is this the type that's already ground?"

Haruhi frowned, eyeing the container. "What do you mean…? It's _Instant Coffee_."

The girls across from us both tilted their heads curiously. "It's… 'Instant'?" I internally rolled my eyes. She just said that, idiot. Why is this such a big deal…?

"Woah!" Tamaki gasped, "I've heard of this, this is commoner's coffee!" Wait wha- "You can just add hot water!"

"I didn't know there was such a thing…" One girl commented, and just then I noticed just how many had gathered around; at least a dozen more than before.

"So it's true then, commoners don't even have enough time to grind their own coffee beans!"

"Yeah, cause we actually have _lives_ with _jobs_." I muttered to myself.

Al quirked an eyebrow at it, obviously confused as Kyoya, who suddenly appeared behind us, commented, "Well, commoners are pretty smart."

"100 grams for 300 yen?" Hikaru questioned, glancing at the container.

"That's a lot cheaper than what we normally pay." Kaoru muttered.

Haruhi glared at them, clearly annoyed. "I'll go back and buy something else! S'cuse me for not buying you guys expensive coffee, geez."

I sighed, rubbing my head. All this over coffee… Suddenly Tamaki raised his hand, stopping Haruhi. "No, I'll keep it." The idio- _ahem_ , girls gasped, shocked at this as if someone had said Polaris was the brightest star, when really, it was Sirius, which was just farther away so it didn't appear so. Common knowledge!

"I'm going to give it a try." Tamaki declared, standing up, causing another gasp to erupt from the girls. "I WILL DRINK THIS COFFEE!" And then they started clapping, many gaping in awe at Tamaki.

Al stared for a moment, before nearly choking on his attempts to hide his own laughter. "All this over coffee?"

I put a hand on his shoulder, staring at the clapping crowd. "You have read my mind…"

…o0o…

Everyone watched closely, eyes wide with curiously as Haruhi prepared the coffee. Al and I stayed back, having seen this done many times before in the cafeteria back in Eastern HQ. Al frowned at the display, shaking his head, muttering something along the lines of, "Why are we doing this…?"

I leaned against the couch, observing as Tamaki swept a girl out from under her feet, catching her, and saying something flirtatious to her, causing all the other girls to squeal in delight. How that happens, I don't know. Women are truly puzzling creatures.

Another girl stayed behind, sipping her tea quietly, seeming to ignore the show completely. She suddenly started chuckling, for some reason, and Al and I threw her questioning looks. She didn't seem to notice, and I heard her say to herself, "Oh Tamaki… now you're taking the joke too far…" Al raised an eyebrow curiously, glancing over at me, confused. "You probably won't be able to stomach that crap, you don't have to drink it just because he bought it."

And people call me rude… I cleared my throat loudly, and she jumped slightly, shooting me a surprised look. Great, that look on her face is priceless! "Hey lady," I growled, "that was pretty rude there. I don't know if you're blind or something, but he seemed genuinely interested in it. 'Sides…" I glanced at Al, who seemed to be giving me the death glare, like, 'Shut up now or things might go downhill for us…' But he can't fool me, I know he's thinking this girl needs to be set straight too. "I drink it almost every day."

She quickly returned to her previous position, eyeing me carefully. After a moment, she visibly relaxed. "Oh, don't mind me, I was just talking to myself."

'Was just talking to yourself'? Then why the hell did you look at me like _that_? I was about to answer, when Al quickly grabbed the collar of by jacket from behind, effectively cutting off my air supply, and dragged me away. I squirmed, gasping for air, and he eventually let me go, frowning in disapproval. "Ed, why did you say that?"

I coughed slightly, regaining my breath. "Well did you _hear_ what she said?"

Al frowned, crossing his arms. "No, but I heard enough." He stole a glance at the girl once more, shaking his head. "We don't need anyone suspicious of us already! Just… try being a bit more careful with your words, we don't need any more enemies."

 _Don't need any more enemies…? Al… I should be the one telling you to be careful, not the other way around…_ I quickly shook my head in defeat, "… Fine."

…o0o…

"So then he had this nightmare, that made him bolt right up out of bed!" Hikaru finished his story teasingly, as his guests stared at him with big eyes. I noticed Kaoru squirming uncomfortably, cheeks a bright shade of pink.

"H-Hikaru! Don't tell them that story!" His hazel eyes started to tear up, and look of betrayal flashing across his face. "I-I asked you not to tell anyone that…" He whimpered slightly, pulling away into his own defensive little ball. "Why... why are you so mean to me…?"

I raised an eyebrow at the little show. Sure, it's was an act, but they were good, believable, in fact.

Hikaru blinked, noticing his brother's 'distress'. "I'm sorry Kaoru…" The girls huddled together, staring, taking in every second of the scene unfolding before them. Hikaru carefully cupped his brother's chin, gently pulling his gaze up so that they were facing each other, eye to eye… a little too closely… "I didn't mean to upset you…" he whispered quietly, "But you were so adorable when it happened… I... I just had to tell them. I'm sorry…"

Kaoru swallowed back his tears, glancing away in hopes his brother wouldn't notice. "I… forgive you…"

The girls squealed, faces red, breaking my eardrums as they half-yelled, "Eek! I've never seen brotherly love quite like that!"

Haruhi, I noticed, walked past them, giving the twins a disbelieving look, before quickly refilling the girl's tea.

"S-so, Edward, was it?" The new girl in front of me asked.

I glanced back at her, relaxing back into my seat. I crossed my legs, leaning back in my chair, a smirk sneaking onto my face. "Yeah, and your name's Shiemi, right?"

The girl nodded shyly. "Y-yes…"

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted Takeshi and walk in, with Mitskuni on his shoulders, seemingly half-asleep. Kyoya was off by the doorway with Haruhi, seeming to be talking about something along the lines of, 'He's a prodigy.' And 'Silent and protective as ever.' Suddenly Mitsuki talked Haruhi, and chirped up, lively as ever. She seemed a bit dazed, and shook her head at Mitskuni, and then again when he held up his stuffed rabbit, Usa-Chan. She paused, looking at the rabbit hesitantly, before smiling at him. Mitskuni blinked, staring up at Haruhi curiously. Ah, _Bingo_ , he got it.

Al walked over to me, earning a few curious glances from the girls. "Tamaki said he wants to see us, come on."

…o0o…

"You're going to have to work hard if you're going to pay off that debt, my little nerd." Tamaki said, eyeing Haruhi. He bent down, blowing into her ear, startling the poor girl.

She clutched Usa-chan closely to her chest, and reached up to touch the tingling part on her neck Tamaki just breathed on. She glanced over her shoulder, brown eyes slightly distrusting. "… Please don't do that again."

I scowled, walking up to him. "What the hell is going on here?" This guy knows no limits, does he?

Tamaki gasped, scrambling away. "Mommy! Eddy said a bad word!" Kyoya simply raised an eyebrow, but said nothing, much to my amusement.

Haruhi sighed, scooting away a little. She looked over at Al, and the two seemed to engage in a silent conversation.

Regaining his composure, Tamaki shook his head, taking in Haruhi's messy appearance. "You need a makeover, or no girl's gonna look twice at you."

Haruhi's eye twitched, "Yeah, well… I'm not trying to get girls to look at me."

Tamaki blinked in surprise at Haruhi, seemingly shocked she doesn't care. "Are you kidding me? It's the most important thing!" He took out a rose out of nowhere, holding it up, "You have to learn to be a gentleman to please the ladies." Sparkles flew about, and- OH GOSH HE'S JUST AS BAD AS ARMSTRONG- "Like me~"

"I just don't think it's all the important." Tamaki froze, staring at her. "Why should I care about appearances an labels, anyway? I mean… all that really matters is what's on the inside, right? … I don't even understand why you even have a Host Club like this."

"It's a cruel reality, isn't it?" Haruhi groaned, looking at Tamaki with an annoyed glint in her eyes. "It's not often God creates a perfect being like _mwah_ ~" He said dramatically, flicking his hair. "Beautiful both inside _and_ out~"

"Say what…?" I groaned. Just then, I realized I had said that out loud, but Tamaki ignored that, and continued.

"I understand how you feel, that not everyone is as blessed as I am-" What the _hell_ , Tamaki? "-You must console yourself, otherwise, how else would you go on living?"

By this point, I drowned out his long-ass one-sided conversation, having heard it before… unfortunately. Al seems to have done the same, as he was quickly backing away from the idiot.

I glanced around for any onlookers, and seeing none, I scooted over to Al, whispering, "Find anything yet?"

Al shook his head, "Not yet, you?"

I sighed. So far nothing but a bunch of gossiping about who's dating who, Kick the Can, cake, and bunnies. "No, I got nothing… damn, this'll be harder than I thought-"

"Hey, what're ya talkin' about?"

I nearly jumped out of my skin as one of the twins slapped a hand on my back. Hikaru and Kaoru looked at both of us curiously, and in a – creepy – Identical eyes wide.

I quickly shoved Kaoru's arms off me, letting an annoyed scowl spread onto my face. "If we were whispering, it means it's not any of your damn business!"

Hikaru twirled a strand of Al's hair between his fingers, eyebrows raised. "Well we were just curious…" Al gently removed Hikaru's hand, shaking his head.

"Sorry Hikaru, but it's personal…" The twins pouted, giving us the oh-so-hated Puppy Eyes. Oh no, don't tell me they're gonna-

"-But most of all Haruhi, you must remember how effective a glance from the side can be!"

All four of us looked over at Tamaki, who had perched his head in his palm, glancing over at Haruhi, who suddenly looked up, exclaiming, "Oh, I got it!"

Tamaki perked up, violet eyes sparkling. "Oh? Did I strike a cho-"

"Obnoxious!" Tamaki froze, eyes wide in surprise. He dragged himself over to the corner, staring blankly at a random mushroom, and poking it. Ah yes, the classic Emo Corner.

"Uh… I'm sorry Tamaki-senpai…"

The twins laughed, both placing a hand on one Haruhi's shoulders. "You're a hero alright!" Her eye twitched in annoyance, and she swatted the twin's hands away.

"Sorry Tamaki-senpai, but I do admit, your lecture did strike a small chord in me…"

I quickly shook my head at her, waving my hands, silently saying, ' _Don't do it, or you'll get dragged into the club too.'_ Unfortunately, it was too late. Tamaki stood up, roses flying about. He turned around to face us, a big smile on his face. "It did? Well…" He held out a hand, "Let me teach you more, my friend."

I let out a whistle, admittedly shocked at how quickly he recovered. "Well that was fast," Al muttered.

Kaoru blinked, staring at Tamaki, baffled. "Boss…?"

"Call me _King_!" Tamaki said in a sing-song voice, still somehow physically sparkling.

"You can teach him all the basics of Hosting…"

"…But he's not going to get very far with the ladies if he doesn't look the part." Hikaru finished, walking around so that he faced Haruhi. "He's not exactly Host Club material, but… maybe if we took off his glasses it'll help…?" He gently took hold of Haruhi's glasses, and pulled them off, glancing back at her, before freezing, eyes wide.

"H-hey, I need those!" Haruhi protested. "I used to have contacts, but I lost them on the first day of school!"

I blinked, staring at her big, brown eyes… she looked so… I shook the thought out of my head. Not important. Tamaki quickly shoved Hikaru and Kaoru aside, looking Haruhi over. He stopped, shaking a little, before he raised his hand… and snapped.

Now I admit I half-expected a giant burst of flame to explode from his fingertips, but I managed to somewhat conceal my automatic flinch. Alphonse cringed at the noise, and I suspected he must've felt the same.

Damn it Mustang.

"Hikaru, Kaoru." The twins saluted, shouting a 'Yes sir!', before both grabbed one of Haruhi's arms, and dragged the protesting girl towards the changing room. "Kyoya, my hair stylist!" Kyoya nodded, taking out his phone and quickly putting in a number. "Mori-senpai, run to the eye-doctor and get Haruhi some contacts!" Mori nodded, running off. "Edward, Alphonse," We bother perked up at the mention of our names. "Distract the ladies while Haruhi gets ready, make sure nothing goes wrong here." Wait, that's it? I shrugged, and following Alphonse, I managed to hear Tamaki say, "Honey-senpai… You…. Go have some cake." A quick glimpse over my shoulder and I say Mitskuni sulking in the corner, eating some strawberry cake with Usa-Chan.

…o0o…

I stretched a bit, feeling my stiff back pop a little, before relaxing in a much more comfortable state. All the Hosts were crowded around the changing room Haruhi was in, and I noticed Mitskuni sitting at a small table, with a half-eaten slice of cake on a plate in front of him, and roughly thirteen other plates stacked up on top of each other nest to him, crumbs rolling off. That _can't_ be healthy…

Haruhi's uncertain voice rang out from behind the curtain, "Um, senpai…?"

Tamaki placed his hands on his hips, "Aren't you done changing yet?"

I swiftly elbowed his in the gut with my automail. "Geez man, be patient."

Eventually, the curtain slid back, and Haruhi peeked out, clad in the full male uniform, hair combed, standing up straight, no glasses."…Are you sure it's alright for me to keep this uniform?"

Tamaki squealed in delight at the sight. "Ooh! CUTE! You're as pretty as a girl! Adorable!" _If only you knew…_

"Haru-chan, you look so cute!" Honey exclaimed, sitting up at the sight.

"That looks really nice on you Haruhi-san!" Al said, smiling at her.

"If we'd known that's how you really looked…" Hikaru started.

"Then we would've helped you out sooner." Kaoru finished, smiling. I glanced over at them curiously. The two seemed to be acting a little… _different_ around her… _Bingo_ , they got it.

"Who knows, maybe he'll draw out some customers." Kyoya stated, looking over Haruhi, who was tugging at the collar of the uniform a little, looking a little uncomfortable.

Tamaki grinned, turning to face the rest of us. "You know, that's just what I was thinking!" He turned towards Haruhi, pointing a finger at her. "Our little errand boy is moving up the ranks! Starting today, you are an official member of the Host Club!" He gave her a sly smile. _Oh no_ … "I will personally train you to become a first rate Host. If you can get one hundred customers to request your service, we will completely forget about your eight million yen debt!"

Haruhi's eyes widened, and she stumbled back, stammering, "A-A Host?"

…o0-Omake Break-0o…

"I think you're taking this poor thing too far…" Haruhi mumbled, scooting away from Tamaki.

The idiot himself twirled towards her, "Spurned, neglected, but that doesn't matter now!" He slapped a hand onto her back, "Long live the poor! We welcome you poor man to our world o-of... of... CRAP!" He spluttered, shaking his head at his slip up.

...o0-End Omake Break-0o...

I leaned back in my seat, looking over at Haruhi, who was surrounded by three other girls. She squirmed a bit, looking uncomfortable with the situation.

Kyoko looked over as well, blinking. "Are you worried about him?"

I shrugged. "Well, Haruhi's new to this, so I'm just curious as to how this'll turn out."

Shiemi nodded, "I see… would you like to go watch…?"

Well this is a surprise. Shiemi was normally rather shy, and this was the first time she spoke up and asked something. I nodded, smirking at her. "Of course, but only if you would like to."

Shiemi's race shifted to a bright red color. "Y-yes please!" I internally frowned. These girls were _so easy_ to infatuate…

"Alright, let's see how our newest member is doing."

…o0o…

"Oh, I see…"

"Your mother was sick and passed away ten years ago…"

I blinked in surprise. Her mom died ten years ago…? Just like…! … _Mom_ … The image of Trisha Elric flashed before my eyes, long chestnut hair, warm gray eyes, soft, fair skin, sunny smile… _Mom_ … charred skin. Blood. Gaping mouth. Jaw unhinged and backwards. Messy, sticky hair. Bones. Organs. Beady black eyes. Raspy and hoarse voice. " _Eeeed…waaarrrd…"_

I quickly shook the image out of my head. _Sorry mom_ … I turned my attention away from the mutated creature in my head, back to the brightly colored room, towards Haruhi, who seemed to have gotten used to the hosting by now.

"Who does the chores around the house?" One girl asked carefully, pity filling her eyes. I frowned at that. I hated pity. It wouldn't help anyone, just make one feel bad for themselves, which would get them nowhere. But the pity wasn't directed at me,  
but at Haruhi.

She looked up at the girl with a sad smile. "Oh, I do them myself. My mother taught me, she was an amazing cook." She looked away, seemingly lost in a memory. "And when she went to the hospital… she left me all kinds of great recipes. It was fun to create each dish, especially when they turned out well. And it made me happy to see my dad enjoy it as well. I've had a hard childhood, but…" She looked up, giving her guests a reassuring smile. "Dad and I have managed to make it through okay."

All three girls stared at her, blushing furiously.

"So uh…"

"Is it okay if tomorrow…"

"We request to sit with you again tomorrow?"

Haruhi's smile brightened. "Yeah, I'd really appreciate that, ladies!"

I looked over to see Tamaki watching, peeking over the couch, with Kyoya standing next to him, and the twins on the ground behind the couch.

"Why is he so popular…?" Tamaki muttered.

"He's a natural, it seems." Kyoya responded, readjusting his glasses.

"No training needed." The twins agreed.

The redheaded girl next to Tamaki glanced over at him, and he quickly returned his attention to her. After a moment, he held up a hand, and snapped his fingers. "Haruhi, come here for a moment."

She looked up in confusion, but got up and walked over anyways. I scooted closer, wanting to hear this. "I'd like you to meet someone." He gestured towards the girl sitting next to him. I looked her over, recognizing her from the coffee incident. "This is my regular guest, Princess Ayano Koji." (1)

Haruhi blinked, eyes wide for a moment. So she recognizes her too… She quickly recovered, offering the girl a charming smile. "Miss, it's a pleasure to meet you."

Tamaki gasped, bolting up from his seat and tackling Haruhi, trapping the poor girl in a bear hug. "THAT WAS SO _CUTE_! THAT EYELASH BATTING WAS _VERY GOOD_! SUPER GOOD, _AMAZINGLY GOOD_!"

Haruhi's muffled screams went ignored as Tamaki twirled around with Haruhi smothered against his chest. Ayano stared, reaching out as if intending to stop it. "T-Tamaki…"

Haruhi managed to rip away a little, yelling out, "Mori-senpai, _help me_!"

He looked over, and narrowed his eyes dangerously. Next thing I knew, he had torn Haruhi from Tamaki's arms, holding her suspended in the air. I noticed his eyes widen a little in realization. _Bingo_.

Everyone froze, staring at the awkward scene. Tamaki's hand twitched. "Uh… Mori-senpai, you didn't need to go that far…" He let out a small, awkward laugh. "C'mon little one, let daddy give you a big hug!"

I frowned, looking over towards Ayano. Wait… she's… glaring? Her gray eyes glimmered with… jealousy? "I already got a dad, I don't need another one." Haruhi groaned. I narrowed my eyes. Something's going to happen…

…o0o…

I held my automail hand towards the sky, peering through the gloved digits into the clear blue sky. It's was rather nice out, not too crowded, and a cool breeze was passing through.

The water in the pond suddenly splashed, and I glanced over from my position under a cherry blossom tree, to see someone throwing something into the pond. Too big to be any coins… I got up, walking over to get a closer look. I hid behind a tree, glancing over at the person. It was Ayano, with a disgusted sneer plastered across her face. She turned on her heel, and walked away, leaving me behind. I got out of my hiding spot, and walked over to the pond to see what had happened.

There were books and school supplies scattered around in the pond, soaking wet. A satchel was floating around, emptied of its contents. I bent down, picking up one of the dripping wet books with my left hand. The water was cold alright, near freezing. I opened it, searching through it to try finding a name. Wait… _Har-_

"Hey! Edward!" I looked up, wide eyed to find Haruhi running towards me. She stopped, panting as she glanced between me, the book in my hands, and the other things in the pond. Wait… I looked back at the name.

 _Haruhi Fujioka_.

Well _shit_. This does _not_ look good. I dropped the book, staring back at Haruhi. _Shitshitshitshitshitshit_ \- "I-it's not what it looks lik-"

"It's okay Ed, I know you didn't do it." _Eh_? I blinked in surprise, finding Haruhi giving me a rather annoyed expression. "I saw from the window, you had just gotten here."

I nodded, as she quickly took off her shoes, rolled up her pants legs, and peeled off her socks, getting into the pond to get her things. I quickly got up. "Hey- let me help-" Not bothering with taking off my shoes, for obvious reasoned, I walked over, reaching down to grab a few books, and floating pencils.

…o0o…

"Hey commoner, Edward, you got some nerve skipping out on the club like that." I stopped my search for the missing wallet to look up, finding Tamaki near the pile of soaking wet supplies. I scowled at him, nodding towards the things, and he noticed, "Wait… what happened to…?"

Haruhi shook it off, returning to the search. "It's no big deal, we got it…"

Tamaki frowned, kneeling down to feel the water. After a moment, I suddenly felt someone grab my left arm, and I turned to see Tamaki, scowling at me. Oh man, that does not look right on him… "I got this, you get back onto dry land." I pulled away, narrowing my eyes.

"Why should I? I want to help Haruhi find his wallet."

He leaned down, - much to my annoyance, the freakishly tall giant… - and hissed into my ear, "Your automail's gonna act up in this freezing water, get out so nothing bad'll happen." There was, in fact, dull throb in my thigh, but I didn't mention it. I've had worse, so it didn't seem important.

But he was persistent, and I eventually found myself sitting next to the wet pile, watching at Tamaki found the wallet, and waved it front of Haruhi's face. After a moment, she quickly snatched it out of his hand. I grinned. _Payback time_ , "Hey,  
lovebirds! Time to get your asses inside already, lunch is just about over!"

Haruhi shot me a dirty look, and Tamaki simply blinked in confusion.

…o0o…

The ache in my leg didn't stop, but it was bearable.

Haruhi was seated with Ayano, who had curiously chosen to request her, despite the obvious hatred for the Host. I sighed, leaning back in my seat. I flashed a smile at my guests, continuing with my story. "And then, BAM! The entire shelf came crashing  
down on us!"

Hiyori laughed, magenta eyes sparkling. "It seems you two really loved books, huh?"

I nodded. "Yeah, I still do actually."

Shiemi smiled. "It's good you have something you enjoy doing, I can't seem to find anything…"

Time to bring out my secret weapon, the unbeatable method that has been passed down the Elric line for generations! I pouted, looking up at her with my not very commonly used Puppy Eyes, Elric version. Mom could use it. Al used it a lot as well. And now it's my turn. I sunk band in my chair, giving her the saddest puppy eyes I could manage, which really wasn't that hard, considering I was already pretty sma... ahem, get back on track. "Do… Do you not enjoy speaking with me?"

Shiemi squeaked in surprise, and Hiyori and Kyoko squealed. Shiemi gulped, shaking her head. "N-no, it's just… the recent attacks. A friend of mine was a victim."

I stopped, eyes wide. So something had happened to one of her friends… Damn it Thorne… "I see… Do… you want to talk about it?" Shiemi paused, before shaking her head. "It's alright…" I said firmly. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." She nodded, giving me a thankful look.

There was a sudden crash, and we all nearly jumped out of our skins. I whirled around to find Haruhi's table flipped, with roses scattered across the floor with broken glass. Haruhi herself was caught straddling Ayano, screeching like a banshee, "No Haruhi! Leave me alone! Somebody help! He just attacked me!"

I got out of my seat, ignoring the growing aches in my thigh and hurried over, but Alphonse beat me there.

"Are you alright?" Al asked, only to receive a scream in response.

"Get away commoner! Someone do something! Teach these commoners a lesson!" Suddenly, two jugs of water poured onto the two girls, abruptly stopping Ayano's screeches.

The twins, who were both holding a now dripping jug, glared down at Ayano, who stared at them in shock. "Why… did you do that?"

Tamaki walked over, helping Ayano up, as Alphonse got Haruhi. Ayano let out a fake whimper, looking up at Tamaki pleadingly. "Do something Tamaki… Haruhi just assaulted me…"

He brushed her bangs aside, gazing into her eyes coldly. "I'm disappointed in you… _you_ threw his bag into the pond, didn't you?"

Ayano's eyes widened, "Y-you don't know that…! You don't have any proof that I did!"

"You know, you're a beautiful girl, but you're just not classy enough to be a guest here. Because if there's one thing I know…" His violet eyes flashed dangerously, full of confidence. "Haruhi isn't that type of a man."

Ayano stared, stammering, "B-but… why Tamaki…?" She pulled away, before running off, sobbing, "Tamaki you idiot!"

Tamaki pulled his attention back to Haruhi, who was still dripping wet. "Now how to punish you… after all, it _is_ your fault," he paused for a moment, before pointing a finger at her, "Your quota is now one thousand!"

Haruhi nearly toppled over in shock. "One _thousand_?!"

Al smacked him over the head. "I don't think there's that many people in this _whole school_!"

Tamaki rubbed his sore head, laughing, "C'mon, I've got high expectations for you, my little rookie."

Haruhi blinked, defeat glimmering in her eyes, but it quickly disappeared as Kyoya handed her a bag. "This is the only spare uniform we have left, but it's better than a wet one."

Haruhi nodded, taking the bag. "Thanks a lot you guys, I'm gonna go change."

Tamaki nodded, before quickly shoving me after her. "And you outta get your leg checked out."

I scowled, but went after her. "Yeah yeah, I got it…"

…o0o…

The automail sucked. Now Winry would kill me if I ever said that out loud, but in some situations, automail really wasn't the best.

The skin surrounding the port was a dark red, numb and freezing. Damn, I should have dried it off right after I got out of that pond. Running the towel through the grooves, and shaking out the rest of the water was a pain. The joints were moving stiffly, and it hurt like a _bitch_ , so when Tamaki came in with the automail maintenance kit, I was thrilled.

After a little while of Tamaki gawking at the automail while I tended to it, I eventually heard Tamaki say something like, "I'm going to go give these towels to Haruhi", and leave. I started working on my automail, before-

 _Oh shit he's about to walk in on a girl changing_.

I shot up from my seat and pulled the curtain back, just as Tamaki called out, "Haruhi, I brought you some towels." I saw his pull the curtain back, and he froze, staring. After a full second or two, the curtain slid back into place.

Well… _bingo_.

…o0o…

"Haruhi…"

"Yeah?"

"So… you're…a girl?"

"Biologically speaking, yeah." Haruhi pulled back the curtain, the sunny yellow dress falling into place on her, earning a very confused choking sound from Tamaki, who was twitching rather violently.

I stifled a laugh, "So it took you walking in on her half-naked to figure it out?"

Tamaki's face turned a bright shade of red, and he shot me a death-glare. "Sh-shut up!"

Haruhi frowned, crossing her arms. "Listen senpai, I don't really care if you recognize me as a boy, or a girl… tome, it's more important to be recognized for who they are, rather than for what sex they are."

Kyoya chuckled, adjusting his glasses. "Well, isn't this an interesting turn of events." The twins smirked at each other, looking as if they were about to burst into laughter.

Haruhi blinked, staring at the still-shell-shocked Tamaki. "Uh, you know senpai, I thought you were really cool back there…"

Tamaki stopped his seizure, blinked, before his face turned red in embarrassment. Kyoya smiled, glancing over in my direction. "You know, I may be mistaken, but it seems like we're witnessing the beginnings of love here."

I laughed at the obvious comment. "Of course it is."

"You know, getting fussed over by a bunch of girls may not be so bad…" Haruhi thought aloud, making Tamaki freeze in shock. She let out a laugh. "I'll just call everyone 'dude' and 'bro' now!"

…o0o…

 **A/N: I DID IT. Chapter one is DONE! *collapses on bed* Hope ya liked, please review, and stay tuned to see Ed and Al engage in a battle to the death of Kick the Can! … just kidding. Well, including ANs, I did manage over 9K words, 8K more than last time, YAY! Also, hope you like those Omake Breaks, they'll come in every chapter from now whenever I get bored, and they're like Bloopers, I guess XD Anyhoo, once again, please review!**

 **(1) - I am hoping that's her name...**

 **EDITED 2/12/2018 - Fixed some spelling and grammar issues, and I noticed there was a problem where the paragraphed were spit in two in the middle of a sentence so I fixed that as well.**


	3. Chapter 2

…o0-Tamaki Suoh-0o…

"Another one?" I asked, eyeing the soldier in front of me. There was no way that boy was in the military. I couldn't believe it. He was a year younger than me for Pete's sake! But he was, and that fact just seemed to love rubbing itself in my face.

The boy nodded, gripping the paper tightly. "Yeah, another one missing this time." He gritted his teeth, glaring down the paper seeming to want to burn a hole through it.

I can't say I blame him; the many disappearances and deaths were worrying in itself, considering most of the students originated from Ouran… the school I go to… But to Edward, this was different in his eyes. I could see the guilt in his golden eyes.

 _Someone that young shouldn't have to deal with something like this._

Edward put the paper down on the table, taking a deep, shaky breath. It was dark out, with only the glimmering stars and moon being our light. The light blue tinted moonlight seemed to make the boy look older than he actually was. After a moment of silence, he looked up, "Suoh, no need to worry, he won't get away with this. Not on my watch."

This kid feels the need to reassure _me_ …? Ha, very funny Elric, you're the one who's forced to deal with a murderer and kidnapper, _you should be accepting help, not giving it_.

I paused, staring at him. "R-right…" I glanced over towards the stairs, which led to the bedrooms. Alphonse would be asleep by now…

Ed caught me staring up there, and he got up, sighing tiredly. "I'll go check with the police tomorrow morning, you get to bed, alright?"

I nodded, standing up. The room darkened slightly as the moon outside was shielded by the clouds. "You better too, you'll need the rest."

There was no answer, and in the darkness, I could hear Elric walk away, and up the stairs to his room. By the time the moon was revealed once again, my house seemed a lot colder and lonelier than normal…

…o0o…

"Why of course, the sight of your wonderful smile causes the fountain within me to overflow!" I smirked, elegantly displaying my billowing costume proudly. The ladies gawked, faces burning.

"Oh, Tamaki-"

"NO- HELP - STOP IT- PLEASE HE'S DYING!"

We froze, whipping around to find one girl, Ochako, screaming in terror as a shadow threw the corpse of a boy to the ground. The body was soaked in blood, clothes torn to reveal red, welted skin, steaming hot to the point of sizzling and hissing. There were several cuts littering the body, letting organs spill from the corpse. Two wide, and horrified brown eyes met mine, and I stumbled back in shock.

I recognized the blonde hair, the uniform, the cake covered mouth… The corpse was Mitskuni.

No! No no no nononono-!

"EEK!" In a flash of blue electricity, the girls dropped to the ground in bloody, frozen heaps. I gasped, backing up from the black figure. It merely grinned, as the very much dead, and gutted corpses of the Hosts appeared before me.

Gutted – ripped apart – burned alive – boiled skin - no No no nono NO STOP IT THEY'RE ALL DEAD-

…o0o…

My eyes shot open as I bolted into a sitting position. My clothes clung to my sweaty body, as I tried registering the bright, vibrant room with sunlight streaming in from the windows. That…

It was a dream…? I let out a long, shaky breath. _Calm down Tamaki, you're not in a sea of blood and staring at the corpses of your friends, you're home. Everyone is safe; It was just a nightmare._

"Oh, you're up already, Master?" I raked a hand through my hair, glancing up at the maid. She looked at me worriedly, gripping a tray with a neat breakfast. "Are… you alright?"

"Get me the phone."

"Huh? O-oh, sure…" She quickly placed the tray on a nearby table, and hurried out of the room.

 _Hurry- gotta know if they're really okay!_

I know this was stupid. I know this was just me being paranoid, but I have to know if everyone's okay. If everyone's still…

 _Alive_.

She returned shortly with a small, old but fancy phone, and I quickly snatched it out of her hands, quickly dialing the familiar numbers.

 _Ring_

 _Ring_

 _Ring_

 _Pick up pick up pick up! C'mon pick it up!_

" _Hello_ …?" Came Kaoru's tired voice. A wave of relief washed over me. If Kaoru was there, so was Hikaru… They're alive.

" _Uh, Tamaki_?" Hikaru's voice called from somewhere behind Kaoru. " _Boss? If you're gonna call, just say something."_

"Are you two alright?"

" _Huh_?" Kaoru paused on the other line, confusion clear in his voice, before saying, " _Yeah, we're good. What about you? You don't sound too hot, Boss_."

 _They're ok_! "Good… good…"

I abruptly hung up on them, dialing another number.

 _Ring_

 _Ri-_

" _What the hell do you think you're doing, calling me at this_ ungodly _hour on a_ weekend-"

"Kyoya! You're not hurt, are you?"

" _Irritated, yes, hurt, no. What is this about Tamaki? You better explain you bast-_ " I hung up. Kyoya's okay… Dialed another number. _Ring – Ring- Ring_ \- Mori and Honey are alright. _Ring – Ring –_ Ring – Haruhi's alive…

Everyone's okay… It was _just_ a dream…

Wait.

Elrics.

I slammed the phone down, leaping out of the bed. "WHERES THE ELRICS?!"

The poor maid nearly leapt out of her skin, and she quickly stammered, "E-Edward went to talk with the police about the case, and Alphonse is in his room, still asleep-"

"Are they alright?"

She stopped, staring at me with a surprised look in her soft gray eyes. "Yes, sir, they're both perfectly fine." She walked over to the bed, gently pushing me back onto the bed. "Is something wrong?"

I could feel my heart pounding anxiously, as sweat dripped off my face. No, I'm not alright, I got this riled up by a nightmare, so no, I'm not fine. "I'm ok…"

She didn't seem to believe me. Shaking her head, she walked over to the table, and grabbed the tray, placing it in my lap. "Eat up, I'll go get Alphonse."

…o0o…

 _How did they do it?_

I had started thinking the question constantly after I met the Elrics. I didn't have too much of a first impression of them in Amestris, or on the plane. I had heard of Fullmetal's many adventures, exposing corrupt officers, helping the weak, the Hero of the People. And of the equally as talented younger brother, the one in a suit of armor who was a talented fighter and alchemist.

Alchemy… is such a scary thing. So much power like that; bending the very earth around you, creating brilliant fires, bridges of ice, towering statues – and all that came from a _circle_. But these Elrics, they _didn't need a circle_. With a simple clap of their hands, they could tear down a _skyscraper_.

I had been nervous to meet the _fearsome_ Fullmetal and the towering armor, but… I was greeted by two young boys, both _younger_ than me.

One was, to be honest, quite small, with an annoyed look on his face. Seeing this kid strut about in tight leather and a long golden braid made me think, "Rude, spoiled brat" The other was a taller, more modest looking young man, with short cropped golden hair that matched the other's, and had softer gold eyes. I had thought, "Polite and kind, but weak minded."

However, after I had gotten to know the Elrics, I had learned that Edward, was a cunning, intelligent, quirky young man, and his equally as intelligent younger brother, Alphonse, was a polite, caring boy, with strong morals and ideals, like his brother. And those two were as close as can be; probably closer than even the Hitachiin twins themselves.

They weren't that fearsome. They were _just_ teenagers. But one chained to the military as a dog, and the other glued to his side to witness _every_ horror the military had to offer. Seeing kidnappings, robberies, murders, and _so much more_ I couldn't even _begin to imagine_ , despite being _only fourteen and fifteen_.

How they managed, was _beyond_ me.

"Tamaki-san?"

And to think I was panicked over a simple _nightmare_ …

"Tamaki, are you okay?"

I could _never_ compare…

"Tamaki! Snap out of it!"

"H-huh?" I blinked, flinching back as someone snapped in front of my face. I shook my head clear of those thoughts, looking up to see a disheveled Alphonse snapping his fingers in front of my face. Al's eyebrows where furrowed, and a deep frown was set on his face.

"Tamaki, is something wrong? A maid came running into my room saying you needed me-"

"How do you do it?" He stopped, giving me a wide-eyed stare.

"Wh-what?" I gritted my teeth, how could he act so oblivious to one obvious fact? They were trying to solve a case. Edward was a soldier, for heavens sake! They're talented, intelligent alchemists, to top it off. And I'm the only one at Ouran who knows this. But why me…?

"How do you handle the stress?" Why was I told about the two? Why me, of all people? I'm rich, yes, and handsome and charming, yes, but… I have no tangible talent for this serious stuff. Why was I informed of their case? "How do you do it? You and your brother are so talented in alchemy, and if…" _if you didn't stay here, if I_ … "If I didn't hold you two back so much with the Host Club, you could've been done with this case."

Al froze on the spot, mouth gaping open a little in shock. I could feel his gold eyes boring into me- those fiery gold eyes to match his brother's. "It's been four weeks, and the murders and kidnappings are getting more frequent, and I've been occupying your time with the Host Club- I'm just dead weight at this point-"

"Tamaki…"

"If I paid more attention and was more serious, if only I could actually help, and wasn't such a hindrance-"

"Tamaki!"

"If I wasn't so _useless_ -"

"Tamaki Suoh!" Alphonse snapped. I flinched at the loud noise, stopping my rambling as I looked back up to him. "Tamaki, you're _not_ dead weight." He was quick and blunt about it, and it surprised me a little to hear that dead serious, firm tone from the boy. But how was I _not_? If I didn't take up their _precious time_ , time they could be using to _catch this murderer_ , then they could go home, and all those people _wouldn't have died_.

 _It's my fault they're dead_.

Al must have read the look on my face, since he then continued with, "Tamaki, believe me when I say, you are not dead weight. You're actually a big asset to solving this. No matter what you say, that belief of mine will stand firm."

An asset? But how? I'm of no help to them-

"HEY AL, TAMAKI, I FOUND SOME REALLY COOL PASTRY SHOP ON MY WAY BACK COME CHECK EM OUT!" Ed's voice rang in my ears from downstairs, interrupting our conversation, if you could even call it that.

Al gave an exasperated sigh. "He never learns…" He gets up, walking towards the door, pausing momentarily to turn and look at me. "But we're not done here."

 _Right_ …

…o0-Omake Break-0o…

"My _God_ these pastries are amazing. I should make these a snack for the ladies at the Host Club!" Tamaki squealed, making Ed freeze up, giving the taller blonde a genuine look of concern.

"Please don't-"

Tamaki then proceeded to do a pirouette, ripping off his shirt, pink sparkles appearing around him going full Sailor Moon on the Elrics as he yells, "YES! THESE PASTRIES SHALL NOW BECOME A COMMON FOOD AT THE HOST CLUB, AND SHALL BE PASSED DOWN THROUGH THE LINE OF HOSTS FOR GENERATIONS!"

"Oh my Gate Suoh _why_ -"

…o0-END OMAKE BREAK-0o…

"We're going to _what_?"

I waved a hand at the flier in my hand once again, repeating myself, "We're going to the aquarium!"

Kyoya sighs, crossing his arms. "Tamaki..."

"Hm?" What is it? Does he not know what an aquarium is?

"Why the hell are you dragging us to an _aquarium_ today when you woke us all up at that ridiculous time of _six in the morning_ -"

"But Kyoya! I wanted to make it up to you guys for that little episode of mine today!" I really did. Al certainly did manage to get me to calm down, and did say, 'It's just a nightmare, it's not real, everything's going to be alright.' And he was very correct about that, seeing as everyone was standing in front of me, healthy and alive, albiet looking irritated.

Everyone was dressed in casual clothing, very different than from what I normally saw them in; Ouran's uniform.

It was quite the change of pace, perfect for a day at the aquarium!

The twins shake their heads in disbelief as we marched into the large marble building, with Haruhi, Kyoya, and Edward grumbling as they trailed behind the group. At least the Twins and Honey seemed excited, like everyone should have been, after all, this aquarium has a _MANATEE_! Who doesn't _love_ the _potatoes of the sea_?

…o0o…

"Takeshi! Look, it's a clownfish!"

"Hm."

"Ooh, hey look at this little one!"

"It's practically glowing!"

"It looks just like you Edo!"

"WHO YOU CALLIN AN ULTRA HYPER MIDGET?!"

"Well I don't see anyone else here that matches that description."

"I'M GONNA KILL YOU REDHEADED FREAKS!"

"Brother, don't."

Everyone seemed to be enjoying the trip! Mori and Honey were watching the clownfish swim around in their tanks, while Hikaru and Kaoru avoided Ed's almighty midget wrath while gawking at some Glowfish. Al seemed to be trying to hold back Ed from brutally murdering the snickering twins, while Kyoya was taking notes on some of the fish and tourists.

"GET BACK HERE YOU _BASTARDS_!"

"BROTHER STOP IT!"

Indeed. Everyone is happy, healthy, and alive.

…o0o…

"Hey, did you hear about that last attack?"

I froze when I heard those words escape from Hikaru's mouth. We were all seated near the gift shop, having a nice snack consisting of nachos, pretzels, and apple pie (which Ed and Al were all too excited about).

Edward had tensed up as well, eyes darting over towards the other hosts. Alphonse, however, seemed to ignore them, in favor of wolfing down more apple pie (where did they get that anyways?!), although I did catch him occasionally glancing over at the others, waiting for more.

"Yeah, a seventeen year old girl this time, right? She went missing yesterday." Haruhi answered, frowning down at her chips. "That makes eleven missing, and five dead…"

Ed gripped his fork, biting his lip as he listened.

 _Don't…_

"Why would someone do this…?" Honey muttered, nibbling his pie unenthusiastically.

 _Please stop…_

"Perhaps he wanted a ransom, or something?" Kaoru offered, looking up towards the ceiling thoughtfully. "I mean, all the kidnapping victims were from rich families."

 _I don't want to talk about this_ …

Kyoya shook his head grimly. "It's unlikely, none of the families were-"

"EEK! HELP!"

The sudden screech for help caught everyone's attention, and we all looked over to see a rather shady looking man- maybe teen? He looked pretty young- bolting through the halls, a purse in his hands as a rather petite old woman stumbled after him.

"THIEF! STOP HIM!"

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed that Ed and Al were up and running immediately. Edward quickly caught up with the thief, with Alphonse lagging behind just a little.

The thief was quickly tackled to the ground, purse flying out of his hands. Ed was now struggling to keep him down, since the thief, it seems, delivered really hard punches.

Alphonse quickly moved in, just as Ed was thrown off, but the older boy was faster, and he quickly took off out the door, Edward close behind. Al, however, stayed behind, picking up the fallen purse and handing it to the old woman, helping her calm down.

This all occurred within seconds, and my mind could hardly process it. From what I had heard of the Elrics, this was nothing in comparison with what they dealt with in Amestris.

 _How?_

 _They're the same bloody age as me, how could they do that without breaking a sweat?_

 _And here I am…_

 _Useless._

"Tama-chan! We have to go after them!" Honey cried, eyeing the door that Edward had dashed out of.

 _What was the point?_

The other Hosts got up, and after checking to make sure the poor woman was alright, ran after Ed and the thief.

 _We're useless..._

 _No._

I quickly followed after them, frowning a little. _Shut up Suoh, this is no time to be feeling down!_ I scolded myself, running faster to catch up. _You'll be even more useless if you just sit around moping all day!_

I heard something that sounded like yelling off to my right, and I'm sure the others did too, seeing as they immediately redirected themselves to run towards the yelling.

"Hey! Stop right there-"

"Damn it, he followed you, you idiot!"

"Ack, I'm sor-"

 _KABOOM!_

Everyone froze as they felt the explosion rock the ground beneath them. Civilians were watching us curiously, likely wondering why a bunch of handsome guys plus one pretty girl were running down the street as if they were being chased by the Grim Reaper itself.

Alphonse's eyes widened at the sound. "That wasn't the thief..."

Kyoya gritted his teeth, and marched towards where the smoke was billowing up into the light blue sky. "Then what the hell is it?!"

"Ed..." That didn't seem to be the answer Kyoya expected. Al took off at a surprising speed, towards the explosion.

I followed with the others trailing behind. "Damn it..."

...o0o...

This wasn't quite what I was expecting when we arrived.

Ed was sitting on the ground, panting hard as he stared blankly at the wall of debris. Bricks and wood was scattered about on the ground, scorch marks decorated the walls, and smoke slowly dissipating from the scene.

Although I quickly found what it was that had caught Elric's attention.

The cause of the explosion.

It was a disaster, there was blood and what looked like chunks of flesh splattered across the walls, torn pieces of cloth scattered about, and- _holy shit was that a heart- AND IS IT FREAKING MOVING?!_

I stumbled back, suddenly feeling a wave of nausea. No way. There was no way...

That explained the nasty stench in the air... the thief was turned into a human grenade.

He's dead.

 _Dead. Died. My fault. They're all dead. Die. Gone stop it, useless, help blood USELESS! THEY'RE GONE!_

I quickly covered my mouth in an attempt to muffle the scream that threaten to escape me.

It seems everyone else was doing the same...

 _Wait._

Ed and Al seemed to be staring at something. Something carved into the ground...

 _How did I not notice that before?_

In large, bold writing we're the words, 'YOU'RE NEXT FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST'

... he knows.

 _He knows Ed and Al are here._

Kyoya sharply drew in a breath upon seeing those words. "I knew I recognized that name..." Edward looked up at us in surprise, as if he hadn't noticed us. Though I couldn't really blame him...

Kyoya marched up to the boy, and swiftly grabbed the collar of his shirt to drag him back onto his feet. "You're the Fullmetal Alchemist," he said with certainty. Ed actually flinched at that, sending Kyoya and the other Hosts a nervous look. "A State Alchemist from the country of Amestris, the _Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric_."

"... yeah."

...o0o...

 **A/N: Yo hey hi I'm alive. I deeply apologize for the short, underwhelming chapter, and for not updating in absolutely forever, it took me a while cause... Eh, I won't go into detail, all you have to know is that my original files were on computer, got a new computer, don't have Microsoft, wrote crap on iPad. There. If you want more RKHK content from me, go to my profile and check out "RKHK- One-Shots", that there's some stuff I'll post for this little world for escaping procrastination and such. I take requests/suggestions there. Lol everyone's OOC so I apologize for that too. I'll be honest, while I have many ideas for this story, I'm not feeling motivation to actually write it, so this'll be on a small hiatus, sorry. Okay this AN's getting long, bye.**


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